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One major problem in most marriages is the lack of communication.

Couples must make time to talk, verbalizing their needs and dissatisfaction. We cannot fix something if we do not know it is broken.

Some marriages are built on only one person’s happiness, fulfillment, wants and interests, which leads to a one-sided relationship. Marriages should consist of companionship and mutual support with our mate in mind. If marriage is just a goal to achieve then there will be other goals that may become more important.

In the Old Testament, marriage is such a high priority that the husband is not allowed to work for the first year in order to develop their relationship through communication.

Dating is essential for a couple. It is how we find out the other person’s favorite things, dreams and aspirations for life. It is also the means of catering to their desires. We use dating as a way to develop our skills of becoming a loving, considerate spouse. The busy schedule of marriage leaves little time for dating, so we must make it a deliberate and sacrificial choice. Life has a way of separating couples by way of their jobs and family obligations. Dating after marriage enables couples to reconnect and become one again. Communication is focusing on the other person by giving them our undivided attention without interruption or distraction. We are saying their hurts, dreams, failures and accomplishments are important to us. Time listening is time invested. The Lord gives us two ears and one mouth to show the importance of this.

If we enter marriage thinking we will change our husband or wife then it will become a battleground. We need to ask the Lord to change us so He can change our mate through us. Secondly, we need to talk to them in a mature way without shouting. We also need to ask them if we are able to remind them when the problem occurs again. Old habits and characteristics take years to develop and will take time to correct.

Evolution teaches males and females are equal, whereas the Bible states the Lord makes them different physically, emotionally and psychologically. We need to let the Lord become the common denominator of the relationship.

It is the differences that draw us together, but can also divide us. Allow God to blend these as we become one. Like a rope, it is the number of cords that make it stronger. Whereas with the rainbow, it is the number of colors that make it beautiful. Man and woman are created by God and marriage is His design. It needs the Bible as its manual, the church as its institution of support and the Holy Spirit as its guide.

Life is tough, and we will not always be happy. Marriage is a learning experience where, by God’s grace, the couple’s love for one another steadily grows.

Ask the Lord for wisdom and insight in order to build bridges in our marriages and not burn them. A successful marriage is not so much finding the right person as it is being the right person.

REV. STEVE CONWELL, pastor of Maranatha Baptist Church, is heard mornings on WFLO and WVHL in “A Thought For Today.” He can be reached at SteveConwell@outlook.com.