My proposition is simple: Buckingham needs a new outhouse. 

I, a 49-year resident of Buckingham and an educator for 38 years, am proposing that Buckingham build an impressive public outhouse even though outhouses are outdated because they have been replaced by indoor plumbing in 99 percent of the county’s homes.  Why do we need a new, stunning outhouse decorated with cameo? There are many good reasons:

1. Having a new, impressive outhouse will make us, Buckingham citizens, feel good about our county and our management skills; no other county can match our outhouse in beauty and comfort.

2. The outhouse would cost only about $2 million. That is a bargain price for an impressive outhouse. It could cost $5 million!

3. In the past 50 years, real estate taxes have sharply declined because the county has welcomed with open arms businesses and manufacturers that pay the major portion of county taxes.

4. A new county outhouse will be convenient for all! Some citizens will have to drive only 20-25 miles each way to get to it even though their indoor plumbing is just steps away.

Please replace “outhouse” with “library” and “indoor plumbing” with “computers.”  Libraries are rapidly becoming as outdated as the outhouse because of the invention of the satellite, the computer and the Internet now found in almost universal use worldwide, even in remote third-world countries of Africa and Asia.

My apologies go to the late Mark Twain for plagiarizing his technique of tongue-in-cheek humor and satire.

The Rev. FILLMER HEVENER has lived in Buckingham County for 49 years. He is the pastor of Guthrie Memorial Chapel in Cumberland. His email address is fhevener@oilart.com.